Firstly let me start by issuing you a warning;
If you are offended by foul language please do not read this post.
I’ve decided to write the follow up to yesterday’s post ‘McDad; The Bully’. It essentially the interaction that took place yesterday which prompted the first in what may well become the McDad series.
One of my abusers methods was to keep me silent and separated from friends and family. He did this to some extent to his siblings who feel they have to be loyal. So relationships could not be formed and he could behave as he pleased. In his current relationship, whilst I can not say whether he has been violent to his partner he has certainly encouraged separation between her, his family, his daughter and me; he has repeated this pattern.
If one woman, or man, who is currently living through the hell and torture of domestic violence finds some strength, comfort or avenue to express themselves because of my posts I will have achieved something. And I am here if you want a let your experience out. Message me and I will listen.
Please bear in mind that the last time I was in the same space as McDad or spoke to him was on December 18th 2012 also at a school event.
I have in that time sent him 2 emails asking whats happening with his payments.
No build up. Let’s get straight to the incident.
Yesterday was my daughters, Inny, class’s turn to present the school assembly. It was based on Africa, mostly water purification. She put a great deal of effort into remembering the lines that she had been given, learning the songs and collecting all the African out fits she owned so that other children were dressed the part. She managed to rustle up 10 outfits and I found something suitable for her teacher too!
They all looked fabulous, sang beautifully and delivered their lines with humor.
I arrived on time and took my seat in the front row.
She had invited McDad who arrived with his mother, affectionately known in our house as ‘Super-gran’, 5 minutes into the performance.
Once the performance was over the rest of the school filed out leaving the 30 performers, their parents and a few teachers to mingle and take pictures. Which we all did.
Super-gran took the opportunity to say hi to a few other parents that she had not seen in a while and Inny was running round the hall with her brightly dressed friends.
I approached McDad and this is the conversation that followed;
Hi, can I have a quick word
What’s happening with maintenance money? McDad has not contributed anything in 2013 so far.
WHAT THE FUCK! I TOLD YOU I DONT HAVE A JOB!
(Fact; he has not told me this. His last communication regarding money was in November 2012 when he said he was having an issue with a supplier)
Okay so you don’t have a job but you should still communicate and keep me updated.
‘WHAT! WHEN I CALL YOUR PHONE DO YOU ANSWER?!’
McDad 9 times out of 10 when you call Inny snatches up the phone and you have a quick conversation, you have never ever asked her to give the phone to me so that you can have a word.
ANSWER THE FUCKING QUESTION, DO YOU ANSWER THE PHONE?
Have you ever asked to speak to me?
IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU CALL ME?
I don’t think that I should have to chase you for anything; I’m bringing her up single handed and pay for everything for our child. It is not my responsibility to chase you around to do your part.
YOU FUCKING FAT FUCKING CUNT! LOOK AT YOU, YOU FAT BITCH! WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE!
I’m the responsible parent (monotone) not the absent McDonalds dad.
AND WHAT! FUCKING FAT CUNT. YOURE ALONE YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ALONE, ALL MY FAMILY HATES YOU, EVERYONE HATES YOU, YOURE GOING TO DIE ALONE. I TEACH MY DAUGHTER ABOUT FAMILY AND ABOUT RELATIONSHIPS. WHAT ARE YOU BUT A FAT CUNT BITCH? YOU’LL DIE LONELY. I’M GOING TO FUCK YOU UP.
I moved some steps back and he fronted up to me pushing me with his chest and leaning down to whisper in my ear. I’m 5’ 6’’ and he is 6 foot. He was pacing away from me in a circle coming back and hissing obscenities down on me through clenched teeth.
I’m no saint and can be passive aggressive so I smiled
These things don’t hurt me the way they used too. Why would they coming from a 3 times convicted criminal who does not provide for his child and can’t hold a job? There’s nothing you can say anymore. I’m just asking you to provide for your child
Then I walked away and went over to his mother. I told her that I was no longer going to have this man anywhere near me or my daughter ever again.
She pulled me in to a corner and I explained what was going on. He then came over and grabbed hold of his mothers’ elbow and tried to pull her towards the door. I asked him to let go of her to which he replied
FUCK OFF YOU FAT BITCH!
As all of this was going on children were running round the hall, parents taking photos. One woman even walked between us as I was moving away from him and her face was a vision of shock at the things he was saying.
I have no doubt in my mind that if we had been out on the street he would have punched me out.
His mother was shocked to say the least. I have told her in the past of his violence but she had never truly witnessed it. She pushed him out of the hall and led me out into the playground.
She was distressed to say the least and we talked for some time then I made my way home.
She called me later to say that when he had calmed down he asked her to drive to pick him up and to bring him over to my home to that we could ‘talk’. She refused.
She came over later in the evening and asked if she could bring him over on Sunday to talk.
I am very clear that I never want him in my home again. I don’t want him near my child ever again.
What has this man got to teach my child?
He is an abuser.
He is violent, verbally, emotionally and physically.
How much longer before he starts to display aggressive behavior to my daughter who approaching the difficult pre-teen years?
As he was strutting around the hall like some caged raging beast with nearly no self-control I asked myself if this man has a mental health problem?
Does he readers?
Or is thinking that letting him off lightly?
Am I wrong to stop her going too Super-Grans for the odd weekend? If I allow her to go there he will turn up and bully his mother into letting him take her out.
I have endured 10 years of intermittent abuse down the phone or his horrible emotional abusive logic. I’ve allowed him to attend birthday parties in my home and after episodes of this kind of behavior have not turned him away. All for the sake of my child being able to maintain a relationship with this man.
When what I should have done was sign the injunction papers that fateful day 10 years I go and ensured that if he came any where near us again he was arrested on the spot.
Certainly this man will not change.
Update; I was advised by my solicitor and a close friend who works with children and family social care to report this incident to the police. I thought it was too late to do that but they both said that it was never too late and for my own protection. I did that yesterday the police were very helpful. The officer asked me to call them if he comes anywhere near me and my children what so ever. It like a weight off my shoulders.