Return Of The MA(C)

So you say I write too many long emails.

And I have promised not to write any more to you.

I don’t think we mentioned anything about blogging…….. did we? No I’m sure we didn’t as you don’t even know that I write a blog. I’m quite sure you don’t.

So no emails but loads of blog posts.

And I’ll forget about the Tort conversation.

So we are now in our 20th year of this ‘relationship’. After being together for 2 years at Uni we have been dropping in and out of each other’s lives ever since. You proposed; I refused. I wanted; you didn’t. You proposed again; I refused. I had a kid; you got married. I became single; you had kids.

Our timing has always been out but life has always pulled us back together. We’ve both been at different stages of our lives and unable to be with each other or commit.

We’ve had moments sat arguing on the couch, warred by text, dined in splendour, kissed with passion, we ran away for long weekends and ignored each other for years.

We’ve been frustrated and angry with each other.

But it’s always comes back round to you and I.
So here we are again.

Only this time we are unattached and free. Free to go where we want, do what we want.
Free to be ………………………. With each other.

Why is that so scary?

We say we will see how that goes. That this is our opportunity to finally build the relationship that we’ve always wanted.

We say we will see how it goes. We say it casually.

Why is that so scary?

I waiver from wanting it to go fast and be a full blown relationship; to wanting to run and hide. It’s a bit overwhelming.

Was part of the attraction the constant chase and longing? Is the memory of us in our early twenties better than the reality of now?

Should we even try?

As you left this morning you advised me; ‘don’t think too much about it’

Which was like asking a fish not to swim.

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