That’s exactly how I feel. Fast and slow at the same time.
So MrJ and I had our first date two weeks ago. Before meeting up I had a myriad of nightmare thoughts.
What if this guy is a creep? What if he has halitosis? What if it’s only his personality that’s attractive? Maybe he won’t find me attractive in the flesh? I could go on because the list of thoughts is endless. But having said that they were not panicky more like ‘oh well that’d be a pity’
I turned up early as I usually do. I have a pet hate about being late I think it shows a disregard for other peoples time and a lack of concern. If I’m late I usually text as soon as I’m aware that I’m running over and keep updating as I go.
MrJ turned up right on time. I think he had not expected me to be there because he almost walked right past me.
I surprised myself by getting up and giving him a big hug. I am very tactile with people I know but not with new acquaintances or strangers.
He smelt good.
This might not mean much.
But smell means a lot to me. I can walk into a room and know who was in there last. I seem to have some stronger than usual reactions to smells, I can instantly be made to feel sick or turned on by the slightest of scents.
Suffice to say; he smelt good; not drowned in aftershave good.
We talked for 4 hours and then he drove me home.
The first kiss was naught but a peck and that was down to me. I got stupidly nervous as we pulled up outside my house. I wanted to rewind the time by a couple of hours and listen to him all over again.
Since then we have been messaging backwards and forward. I find myself growing impatient to see him again. This is a bit difficult for me as I’m so used to not waiting on anyone for much of anything.
It’s been a very long time since I have had to coordinate time with someone so strategically.
The fact that we work opposing hours, have children to prioritise and live a three and a half hours drive apart will make for timetabling and negotiation.
It’s been an even longer time since I have wanted too.
Is it worth it?
This is a valid question.
So far I think so.
I find MrJ attractive, intelligent and straightforward. I watched him give considered and thoughtful answers and he seemed open to discuss sensitive issues while getting the lay of the land.
I watched him mentally chew on the responses I gave. The cogs whirring round in his head weighing up how they would work for him, what he thought of them.
I relaxed into his company and could have quite easily gone home made a cup of tea and sat on the sofa next to him to watch a movie.
But then again…….
He excited me.
But the proof of that pudding is in the eating.
And we won’t be eating pudding for a while longer.
And he was funny and cheeky and pushed his luck a bit. I like’d that.
I like a bit of bite.
So here we are messaging back and forth, back and forth, back and forth (groan). For some unknown reason we have not phoned each other except once (and I missed the call and then when I called back he was engaged). He always takes longer than I do to respond and his answers are always shorter.
That’s typically mannish though isn’t it?
I’m a writer and usually write in 20 words what could be written in 5. That’s not a problem though sometimes meaning is lost in short translation.
I feel like I need to slow down emotionally though.
Suffice to say we just have to wait and see how it works out. There’s really nothing to be lost as at the very least I may have made a new funny and intelligent friend.
At best I may have found my FISHLESS MAN!
I find the anticipation of seeing him again quite delicious.