So I was told two weeks ago that McDad has a new job.
Over a year of unemployment and he finally is working. Everyone is pleased for him and once again people can pretend that he is a useful member of society. Let’s ignore the little fact that he probably did not declare his criminal history and got the job under some false pretence.
The most interesting thing I was told was that McDad and his girlfriend have decided that because ‘he doesn’t see his daughter he won’t pay for her’.
Unfortunately my daughter happened to walk into the kitchen at the exact same moment I repeated what she said with incredulity……..’So because she won’t see him he won’t PAY for her?!’
Later she wanted clarification so I told her that SuperGran had told me that dad had got a new job but had decided that he would not pay towards her upkeep because he wasn’t seeing her.
This is more or less her response word for word;
“So because he doesn’t see me I don’t exist? I’m not his responsibility? I don’t eat? Outstanding, nice one”
Inny is learning from his actions that parenting is a choice.
Some people have children but chose not to parent them in any capacity. It was the first time I had heard bitterness in my 10 year old daughter. I feel so sad for her and kind of guilty too!
My brother has two children one is with him and his current partner in Norway and the other lives in the USA with her mother. He maintains regular contact with his daughter in the states and never defaults on his maintenance. He makes that happen. He takes responsibility for seeing that she travels to see her paternal family and has a solid and fruitful relationship with her little sister. He and his ex have always put my niece first and have managed to work out the best of a difficult situation.
My brother is no saint. He has made lots of mistakes in the past and at times can be thoughtless, wrapped up in his own world but his child has always been at the forefront of his mind. His actions have reflected that.
McDad is a much lesser man than that.
He is not seeing his child and so has to control something. This is going to be money.
His control has now extended to his 10 year old daughter effectively he’s saying ‘if you don’t see me I will not support you in anyway; you can starve for all I care’.
I think she gets that.
I can’t conceive not doing the best that I can for my children whatever the circumstances; that’s why I have put up sitting across from the sociopath that is McDad on countless occasions since we separated in 2005. I can’t imagine putting not making an effort for my daughters.
Since the incident in May, he has tried to demand I speak with him via his mother, intimidate me with the National Mediation service and excerpt control via money.
What he has not done is apologised for his behaviour, written to his kid to apologise for his behaviour. Made any attempt to make things better in anyway.
Were we expecting that?
No not at all. I know him well enough to know that he thinks the incident at the school was no big deal; after all he didn’t punch me or anything. I know form history that he does not perceive parenting as something he should do.
His child is not his responsibility.
He has never put Inny first and that is not about to change now. He has always left the nurturing of his child to someone else, his mother, his sisters, my brothers, my friends………. It has never really mattered who as long as he was not the person who had to wait around for swimming class to be over or out in the cold at Brownies or dropping off for a friends party. He only ever showed up for the fun stuff like her birthday party, drop off her Christmas present but of course never was involved in the arrangement (and rarely the funding).
He would make weak and short lived gestures like taking her to school twice a week for a term but that would quickly be cast off unceremoniously if something better came along. What happened to her and her routine was someone else’s problem. In the end his lack of commitment and unreliability meant no one bothered to asked him to step up and parent the child.
McDad is destroying his relationship with her with every passing day. It’s so sad. He’s gone from hero to zero in the last few years, finally topping it off with a show of horrid aggression exposing himself as a monster before her very eyes and in the company of her friends.
I would weep with deep sorrow if my 10 year old daughter ever spoke about me in that way.
What kind of failure as a mother would I be to cause such bitterness in the eyes of an otherwise happy, intelligent and loving child.
See below for previous McDad posts;