Swimming with the fishes


Well so far it’s not going so well. I have had around forty ‘he wants to meet you’ messages on Zoosk. This is a bit of a problem as I haven’t paid up on Zoosk.

I have, however paid a month membership on Match.com, where I’ve had less of a response.


Though I can’t read the whole of the messages, here are some of the gorgeous and enticing first paragraphs of messages sent to me on Zoosk; (my responses in brackets)

• Rusty; wink wink
• Mark, wink wink
• Echo; ooooooh…if compatibility tests were everything?  Hope your week’s started well.
• Bonzaneil; you sound feisty!
• Bath Guy; introvert or extrovert? (Depends on the situation 😉 )
• Darren; wink wink
• Underwaterastronaut; how was heaven when you left it? (desolate)

There were another 15 messages that said wink, wink!

To be honest the only interesting person seemed to be Underwaterastronaut. On what have I based this…………his smile and eyes! His is opening line was definitely cheesy but I’m guessing the rest of his mail was better.

So do I pay up on Zoosk? Errr no as they don’t have an option for a month and I’m not sure I want to commit to 3 months at a hefty price.

I’m also a little scared (or maybe scarred!) as some of the profile pictures are, to put it bluntly, freaky.
Men really don’t care to try to think about what a woman may find appealing.

Here’s my list of top profile picture turn offs;

Wearing blackout shades in all of profile pictures….TAKE THEM OFF!! Underwaterastronuot had a cheeky smile and nice soft eyes……….sold! If a woman can’t see your eyes your chances of engaging are slim to say the least. One guy had 7 pictures up and was wearing sunnies in every single one! What are you hiding? One of the things women always check out are a guy’s eyes so if we can’t see those ……….next!

The countless bare chested profile pictures. Ewwww put it away my friends especially if you’re not sporting a six pack. Honestly we ladies are not interested in viewing stranger armpit hair! Leave something for after you’ve dazzled us with your sparkling charm.

Me and my dog pictures. Don’t get me wrong there are many dog loving women but when you’re holding a vicious looking Rottweiler by its head or tail or round its neck I just click on by without a second glance.

Me and my girlfriends’ pictures. Okay so you’re on the site to find a girlfriend but every picture is of you either draped over some woman or some woman draped all over you. What are you trying to put across to your potential mate? I’m super popular with the ladies? I’m a party guy? I’m irresistible?………………………I’m not interested!

Shirtless with a beer, shirtless with a fag; yes I’m repeating myself here readers but I just have to. Fag sticking out of your mouth, glugging down a Super Tenants. This just conjures up images of a sofa-surfing-frequent-farter. Never was there a worse turn off for me!

Half of a face profile pictures. So you’re only offering a view from your nose up, chin down, left side, right side. We ladies know this well, having taken countless selfies to ascertain our ‘best side’ we also know that’s how we hide our not so great bits. So what are you hiding Mr-from-the-nose-up in every pic… a chin the size of Mount Rushmore? An unhealthy growth?………………………click

I would impart the following gem to all those gents out there…. Take your selfie pic from above you muppets! Far more flattering than hoping ladies wont fixate on staring up you nostrils.

I feel I must mention and applaud the sweaty rotund shirtless guy holding up what seemed to be a ferret tightly by the neck while dangling a cigarette from his jowls. I salute your optimism (or lack of realism) in thinking that that one and only profile picture will stand you in good stead with the ladies. You’re a cup is half full kind of guy!

The love search goes on…………….pray for me!

For selfie taking tips;


7 thoughts on “Swimming with the fishes

    1. Minty Post author

      Thank you for stopping by to comment ( and all the lovely likes too). I fear for the ferret I really do 🙂


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