Monthly Archives: September 2013

Miss America: Brown Girl on the Bridge to Nowhere

Excellent piece!

Aya de Leon

When Vanessa Williams was crowned Miss America in 1983, I was fifteen. As a young woman of African heritage, I was supposed to feel validated, but I didn’t.  Williams’ wide blue eyes, sandy hair, and middle America girl-next-door looks didn’t do anything to validate my sense of my beauty as a Black girl.  She challenged the racial category of the winner, but not the aesthetics of the beauty standards.

Sunday, as many in the nation watched Nina Davuluri crowned as the first South Asian Miss America, I had that usual ambivalence about brown women breaking into sexist institutions.

Beauty pageants embody so many pressures on women that I think are negative and damaging.  Women being judged based on their appearance in evening gowns and in bathing suits.  I love the “talent” and “interview” portions, as they give the pretense that this is not first and foremost about appearance.  If those parts…

View original post 720 more words



Our age of innocence has pasted

We have transgressed to self-abuse

Instead of loving you, I wished, I feared and flew

Instead of thinking clear you hid from truth

All that we should take is all that is ours

It is in my hand, in your eyes as we stand

There is no mountain that cannot be climbed

Though some have passed along the way

I am holding my breath waiting for you

The choice is ours and I choose too

Social Butterfly








Gripped by day-to-day insanities
You play out life like some long forgotten Greek tragedy
Diving into social calamities
As you feel your brown satin eyes betray you
You tie yourself up with those gigantic insignificant battles
That are waged every day
Of normalcy, lust and greed
In the crevice between heart and mind

Dead centre of the sidewalk so everyone sees you
Draped in the cool stuff
Sniffing the cool snuff
Chilling at places that fulfil you
For the moment, when they see you
And as you step back through your door
Anti-climax consumes you
Rolls you, chews you

Blindly frantically
Peeling layers like an onion off you
Looking for the comfort core
That is self-acceptance
That is coping and herstory
That is dealing with conflict
That is hope for tomorrow

And if you looked in the mirror
You’d sell yourself short

And at night you sleep in oceans of distress
Dreaming of what should be
Reaching out to the body across the mattress
Transferring all of the self, love, the needs
Throwing in identity
Hoping for the ability to give
What you can’t give yourself

And if you look in the mirror
Look in the mirror
Look in the mirror
And see yourself

Knowingly you allow yourself to abuse you
Destroy the goodness that surrounds
All gifts of love rejected
Old dodgy defences resurrected
Pushing away anything, anyone
Reflective of the beauty in you
You wonder about the hole
That lets the wind whistled past bone
A cavern in emotion
That was once a sense of deserving
Positivity, value, trust

In a moment of madness
You like to stroke yourself and call it vanity
But no one loves you like you should
And how you deny yourself

And when you look into the mirror
It’s a moment too soon
You sell yourself short

Take a breath emerge
Come forth into the beauty

Find Minty A Man ! The Fishless Hunt Is On!

Okay WordPress luvvies I think I’m almost ready to give up on Internet dating but before I do I’m going to ask for your help.

Flame haired mixed raced voluptuous single forty-something Lady



Seeks a sane, educated, forty-something fairly attractive gentleman.

(Yes! this is my Internet dating WordPress add)

Let me start by answering the typical profile questions;



My Self Summary;

Eyes; Green

Hair; Red (via L’Oreal)

Height; 5’ 6’’

Body type; Curves and a big bumper

Religion; nothing organised, spiritual

Ethnicity; White/black African

I’m looking for a relationship but guess I’ll have to hang out with a few frogs before I find a prince. No problem, they say romance is dead; well I’m not sure who ‘they’ are so I’ll hold out for some as I have quite a bit left in me.

I’ve been single for (ahem cough-cough) for a while now. I’m happy but would like to find someone to share laughter, talk culture, discover new things and argue over the duet with.

What I’m doing with my life;

I’m currently working full time as a manufacturing planner. It’s demanding.

I’m a single mom to an 11 year old. I also have an older child, a graduate living independently, who comes round occasionally to raid my fridge and use extraordinary amounts of my shampoo.

I have a lovely (if small) group of cherished friends.

I’m really good at;

Throwing parties, dinners and barbecues. I have great organisational skills. I’m a good listener and I’m told I’m a really good friend.  I’m the calm one in a real crisis but a bit of a screamer in situations where little spiders are involved.

(I’m hopeless at gardening, every plant Itouch dies……you have been warned! Also life is way too short to iron!)

My likes;

Travelling. Spent 3 weeks in April 2013 travelling round Thailand with my 10 year old, Bangkok, Chiang Mai and some island hopping. Great fun!

Solitude. I like my own space to have quiet time to read and watch old movies in a massive hoodie and woolly socks from time to time.

Wood. I have an open fire.  I’d like to have a handsome man wield the rotary saw and chop the wood for winter(I mean that; I mean come on it’s too much for a girl; plus I always leave it until it is actually winter!)

Writing. I’m a fledgling blogger. I write whatever comes to mind and my blog has no clear identity as yet. I just hope readers enjoy it. Oh and yes, I have unashamedly reached out to my blogging community to help me find a date, maybe more who knows!

Six things I could not live without;

What? Six is just not enough! The 10 things I could never do without are my family, conversation, iPhone, Lagos, sunshine, my friends, music, books, pounded yam, laughter!

I spend time thinking about;

I’m a bit curious so can often be thinking about whether I should take apart something to see how it works, what would happen if I put a peg on the cats tail, why are coco-pops being advertised at 21.19 at night; I mean who is the target market really? Would anyone notice if I never ironed a single thing ever again? How to avoid the balloons at the school disco?

On a typical Friday night I am

Occasional Friday nights I’m probably out with friends at the theatre/movies/dinner just having a good time. Most of my clubbing days are behind me (as I clubbed a lot!) but I can be found in the middle of the dance floor on special occasions.

Not a skinny lass...

Not a skinny lass…


Please Tweet #FindMintyAMan


Reblog it, pass it on!

Email it to your lovely London based/bound single friends.

Let’s find me at the very least a dinner date!


Follow the links below for my other internet dating posts

Single Redhead Seeks Man Without Fish

Whats In The FishTtank?

Swimming With The Fishes

Where Are The Fish?



Single Redhead Seeks Man Without Fish

Yeah.....errrm well done mate, I'm sure you'll be very happy together.

Yeah…..errrm well done mate, I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.

Okay so three weeks in and I am just so creeped out with Internet dating already. I’m yet to exchange emails with anyone and I haven’t met up with a single person! I’m ready already to throw in the towel.

What’s creeping me out?

Good question! Maybe I’ve been out of the dating game for too long and I’m overly sensitive. Perhaps I’m too shy and too scared to really put myself out there.

It could be a combination of all of the above however there are definitely a number of things putting me off clicking on peoples profiles.

User names!

Guys, guys, guys ……why? I hold my head in my hands in wonderment and possibly despair. Do you wonder why you are single and no woman ever responds to you eloquent wink wink messages? Seriously?

Really I mean what’s wrong with women, why are they not responding to Hardnutz, Cutiecum or Smackthat123?

We are not responding because the user name tells us a whole lot in an instance. I’m sorry but any way you slice it Cutiecum is just gross! Off putting and nasty. It says something about how you perceive and are likely to treat a woman. It says a lot about your intention!

And it is not at all as witty as you probably think it is.


So you cant be bothered to fill out your profile information. Apparently ‘ask me later’ is witty or maybe adds, in your mind, an air of irresistible mystery. However words like lazy, shady and ‘cant be arsed’ spring to mind. If you cant be bothered to fill it out with a few lines how can anyone get a feel for who you are as a person? Honestly that picture of you and a carp is just not enough for me.


Dude, why so negative? I’ve combed through profile after profile that has lines like ‘not into head games, agro’, ‘no times wasters or losers’ or ‘not on here to mess about’ wow! So not enticing at all.

Some guys sound down right nasty and aggressive! There are countless profiles which are mostly a list of things they don’t want. Being warned how not to behave by you in your profile blurb is a sure fire way to set alarm bells ringing in your female readers. As soon as I come across that kind of language I’m instantly turned off even if the guy is a David Beckham or a Denzel or a Cillian Murphy look a like. Game over dude as who wants to bring a negative person into their lives.

Lead with the positive guys.


“Honestly that picture of you and a carp is just not enough for me.”

What’s with all the fish? No I mean really? Profile picture after profile picture of guys holding up giant fish. Only God knows what kind of fish they are ………………………..and trust me, only God cares.

Women see …….Ugly bloody fish!

Your profile picture is supposed to entice women. Make them think you’re sexy, fun, attractive. That you’re the kind of guy they’d like to spend time with. Its not for a penis competition with the guys down the pub….. Look I’ve got one this big!

This could possibly be worse than the grappling with a Rottweiler pose. I see fish I think smelly, slimy, yucky.

Sorry guys but that’s the truth of the matter.


Follow the links below for my other internet dating posts

Whats in the fish tank?

Swimming with the fishes

Where are the fish?


Child Marriage: Enough is Enough

A senator in Nigeria (my fatherland) recently maried a 13 year old, horrific !

Girls' Globe

Child marriage remains one of the most horrific human rights violations that exists today. It is estimated that globally 14 million girls are married off before the age of 18, robbing them of their childhood and leaving them vulnerable to violence, poverty, domestic slavery, sexual assault and HIV/AIDS. Child marriage is a human rights violation that cuts across countries, cultures, religions and ethnicities.

The recent news coverage of the 8-year-old girl who was married off to a 40-year-old man in Yemen, poignantly highlights the desperate need to outlaw child marriage. After their wedding night, the 8-year-old girl – identified as “Rawan” – died from torn genitals and severe bleeding in the northwest city of Hardh. According to media accounts, the fatal injuries were incurred through sexual intercourse. Let me emphasize that it was NOT sexual intercourse. It was rape and it should be clearly understood as so.  Rawan’s tragic story…

View original post 682 more words