My mind has been so full lately that when I lay down at night it doesn’t quieten down enough to lead me gently into sleep. As a rule it’s the following things keeping me running stuff over and over in my head.
Work. Sometimes I go to bed crunching numbers. I plan manufacture for a company and so my chief remit is to keep everything in stock. It’s pressured and so sometimes I put my head on the pillow and my inner voice starts to recite stock cover….. Product 1 has 2.5 weeks stock cover, product 2 has 6.9 weeks stock cover and so on. Now considering there are over 150 products this can take some time. If I manage to get control it will stop there however sometimes I go further and start checking manufacture dates…………….product 1 will be made on xxxx and released for use on xxx which means there will be xxx stock cover.
Its crazy I know but once it starts it takes at least 2 hours before it ends. So although I get to bed at 10pm I’m not getting to sleep until closer to 1am and I’m up at 6am
Nut. He is taking up a lot of my head space at the moment (unbeknownst to him). It’s nothing concrete more like day dreaming and longing. It’s tiring, emotional and at times all consuming. I saw him at the weekend and we took long moments to just fold into each other’s embrace. Leaving was awkward. Then that night the interactions kept replaying in my head like an old black and white glitchy movie clip.
I swear I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing!
One minute I’m adamant that, yes, I respect what he’s said about not being able to be in a relationship, the next we’re stood in the garden with my head on his shoulder breathing in the scent of him.
I expected him to move further away from spending time together; isn’t that what usually happens when you tell someone that you have feelings for them and they don’t feel the same.
But he hasn’t.
Now we’re more flirtatious and physical than ever before.
Maybe he is confused too?
Anyway, I’m not sleeping well. So what can I do about that?
I could see my GP and get some sleeping pills. I have never had them before….ever. Is there a danger of dependency? Would I wake up groggy each morning?
Meditation? A dear friend of mine is currently attending a Mindfulness course which has helped her to become calmer and more focused in the present. She highly recommends it and I have found a course starting on September 2nd. I’m a bit cynical when it comes to meditation but I’m keeping an open mind and will throw myself in completely.
Stop seeing Nut?………………………… See less of Nut?………………… Kiss him and get that tension out of the way?…………..I have no idea!
I think I’m going to start by having a social media blackout for the next 3 days, no Facebook, and no twitter. Just the blog where I don’t follow work colleagues, Nut, members of our families or our mutual friends.
All ideas are welcome.
All advice is solicited in this instance