Beautiful Dilemma

What a beautifully twisted dilemma falling in love is.

I am totally enjoying the anticipation of seeing this person again, of being close of laughing even though I know nothing is going to come of it. I take it as it is. Like a nutty pep me up tonic.

Though I had hoped my revelation would make something happen I’m comfortable with what it is and have decided not to let it stop me from ‘perusing other avenues’.

Is it possible to have feelings for more than one person at the same time?

To varying degrees. Yes I believe so.

The crucial issue is how you action, respond or fulfil those feelings.

Loyalty and fidelity are not optional extras when I’m in a relationship and as I want to continue to love and respect myself I don’t break them.

I like to place my head on my pillow at night with a clear conscience; knowing that I treated people around me with kindness, love and respect………………even if they are behaving like assholes. I’m responsible for my behaviour, I want to continue to like who I am as a person.

So as for Nut, my moping is over and my disappointed feelings are abated. We continue to go out to do stuff with the kids, grown up movies and all the fun stuff we did before. Our company with each other is still fluid and easy. My affection for him continues to grow but its put into context and managed.

So for now it’s an enjoyable flirtatious frisson of soft touches, in jokes and side long glances. I like it! Gets the blood pumping!

However I heard what he said he’s not ‘interested’ in a relationship and will respect that. I’m not about to try to change anyone or force my will.

Nor am I going to wait around in hope that he might change his point of view.

So Friday was a night out with someone else who is also lovely, funny and enjoyable to be with.

I enjoyed it!


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