So it’s been a year since bobby found me on face book. Perhaps what I didn’t explain in my previous post ‘Bobby Heartbreak’ was that it was really nice to see him again, finally his head was in proportion to his body (in my opinion).
When he came to my party and despite his positively lethal shoes, we seemed to just click. We spent most of the night laughing, flirting and standing around chatting. I felt an instant connection with him so I asked him to accompany me out to the theatre a couple of weeks later.
Bobby turned up at my house to pick me up an hour late. I let this slide because I know a thing or two about men. I have never asked my brothers to turn up somewhere and they do it on time. I know now to always set the meeting time an hour before their presence is required and hope for the best! Anyway he was suitably mortified and had been updating me about the traffic and progress by text every 10 minutes on the way to my house.
What I didn’t know was that Bobby has made it.
So as Bobby is now a successful business man and along with his brother owns a very lucrative flooring company in London, he turned up in a stupidly large and extremely lush Mercedes. With walnut dash and cream leather seats…………….. crisp packets and vast amounts of crumbs scattered maddeningly about the back seat. As we were late he whisked us to Shakespeare’s globe and dropped me outside and went off to park the car.
Bobby has a touch of the old-school gentleman about him. It subtle and makes one want to take his arm in public and wait for the door to be opened. So totally refreshing.
We saw The Winter’s Tale. I chose it because it was in Yoruba, Bobby’s language and he did a marvelous job in interpreting. After the play we headed to a lovely Thai restaurant and settled down to dinner.
It wasn’t difficult to find things to talk about and he is really good company. I realised that I quite liked him (all over again). I’ve been single for some time and thought I could happily spend some of my free time getting to know him.
Now in a former life I was one of those women who just didn’t ask pertinent questions like; are you single/divorced/married? Maybe I assumed that because we were out that the guy was available or maybe I just didn’t want to know. So this time I decided to be straight forward and seek the relevant information.
As he had mentioned that he had children at my birthday party I asked their ages and names.
3 of them! All boys. 11, 9 and 7!
Holy Cow! I love hanging out with kids but I’d imagine that would be a culture shock from my 10 year old little girls’ sing-star afternoons. But hey………..bring it on! The more the merrier.
I then asked what his relationship status was.
I really disliked his answer.
Bobby is married but separated over 3 years previously. He bought a smaller house and moved into it leaving the wife and kids in the bigger one nearby. He sees his kid very regularly, takes them to school and devotes his whole Sundays, every Sunday, carting them to football camp and standing on the side-lines. He’s a very proud and involved father.
So far so good I hear you say.
Yeah well every silver lining has a cloud.
This one is particularly grey.
Bobby appears to be an honest man so he told me straight up that his relationship with his wife was in the ‘complicated’ zone. They had initially broken up and been apart for over a year. Then decided to give it another go. He didn’t like being parted from his boys. This attempt to patch things up didn’t last and he moved out again over a year or so ago.
However. Mrs Bobby has keys to his place.
Ouch! I hear your sharp intake of breath!
She regularly lets herself in to drop off, pick up the kids. Sometimes she cooks there, hangs out or just stays the night (!)
At this point the Thai food started to taste a little sour. I’m also pretty sure I bit my bloody tongue.
Bobby admitted that he did not really know how to handle this but it was very convenient for the care of the kids. He said that life was just rolling on and he wasn’t sure what was going on or what do to next.
Hmmmmmm. Whilst I wanted to slowly back out of the restaurant………..the juiciness of human nature always intrigues me
I had a thousand questions on the tip of my bloodied tongue.
I wanted to ask if they slept together, still got jiggy with it, knocked boots?
How do you expect to move on if you don’t move on?
Are the kids not confused?
What’s it like to live in limbo?
Are you happy?
But I held my tongue as really it was not my place to ask and I understand that way of ‘let’s go on for the kid sake’ thinking (even if I don’t subscribe to it).
So I asked where he thought he would be in a years’ time?
That shrug was all the answer I needed to know that Bobby was going firmly and sadly into the friends’ zone.
I’ve made all the stupid mistakes you can make and have learnt the hard way. I have self-loathed self –hated, settled for less, lived for the good bits, endured abuse and even sabotaged my own happiness in the past.
Finally I have learnt to love myself properly. I have grown up.
Now I have a happy life. I have a good job. I have small but lovely group of friends. My oldest daughter has got her degree and left home and my youngest and I live in harmony, travel and hang out. Our home is filled with laughter, music and quietness.
Why would I continue to hanker after someone who doesn’t know what’s going on in their own life? However much I like him or was ready to take things further I’m too smart (now) to get myself tangled up in a bed of thorns.
Almost a year has passed since ‘Thai food disclosure’ day and, I’m sure you’d agree that Bobby goes into the friends’ basket.
He makes a lovely friend and though we don’t see each other very much; we communicate and laugh often.
But as much as I’d like to be ‘Bobby’s Girl’ I think the lyrics of the song are the absolute opposite of me in this instance!